Coping Tips for a Family Caregiver’s Crisis
/By Trish Laub
Some caregiving journeys are evolutionary, starting slowly and gradually moving into full-time care. Others are revolutionary, beginning in a single moment during which life changes forever.
In either case, providing the best care requires knowing how to manage the initial crises. At first, there may be two simultaneous crises. One is the crisis of the person who is in need of caregiving as the result of a serious medical situation. The other is the crisis of the caregiver whose life has been presented with numerous challenges from scheduling to finances. It may be necessary to address the crisis of the person requiring care first, and you may feel you don’t have time to properly think through your caregiving crisis. However, the sooner you do it and find a sustainable equilibrium, the more quickly you can move forward to providing the best care possible.
The following six steps are useful for a family caregiver’s crisis:
1. Acknowledge that the crisis may be more than just the diagnosis.
When a loved one receives a diagnosis of a disease or condition that is incurable and/or terminal, a crisis has begun for patient and caregiver alike. Often, family caregivers experience a cascade of emotions that are based in fears surrounding their own mortality, being alone, life assessment, possible regrets, self-doubt about their ability to deliver dignified care through end of life and much more. Additionally, the grieving process may begin, even when a prognosis indicates that your loved one’s death is years away. Facing your reality, including the uncertainty and your fears, will help you contain the crisis and move forward to deliver the best possible care.
2. Clarify Your Perspective
Your perspective is critical to containing the caregiver crisis. First and foremost, acknowledge that you made a choice to provide care and that you can always make a different choice. The recognition of choice results in freedom from any negative perception of your chosen responsibility. Having a positive attitude does not mean that everything is going well, only that you choose to respond to your circumstances in a positive way. Accepting your new normal, and that of your loved one, allows you to move through the process understanding that caregiving is not an interruption of life, but yet another stage.
3. Understand what you are facing
There are many different types and durations of caregiving journeys. Some are a sprint to a cure, while others are a marathon of treatment and long-term care until end of life. While a sprint can be run with little preparation, a marathon requires preparation and strategy to sustain the longevity. Knowing the type of journey that you face will allow you to prepare and plan appropriately.
4. Practice self-care from the start
We’ve all heard the importance of self-care, and ironically most people don’t think they have time for it. It comes in many forms such as napping, listening to music or doing whatever soothes your soul and brings you a moment’s peace. It is not self-ish, but instead is self-love. Self-care ensures your ability to be resilient, allowing you to not merely survive, but to recharge and thrive. By doing that which recharges you, you can more calmly and rationally face future decisions and challenges and avoid future crises. After all, you cannot water flowers from an empty watering can.
5. Find and keep your footing
As soon as possible after assuming caregiving responsibilities:
a) Gather all of the legal, medical and financial information, organize it in an easily accessible and portable manner, and keep it up to date.
b) Document everything, and I mean everything. As time goes on, details become fuzzy. This information will prove invaluable as the journey continues.
c) Learn but beware. Information can be helpful or hurtful. Ask yourself whether having a specific piece of information, or sharing the information, will be helpful to you. If you research on the Internet, be sure that your web source is reliable. Information from websites such as the National Institutes of Health/National Libraries of Medicine and nationally renowned medical centers are examples of reliable sources.
d) Create a plan based on your loved one’s philosophy and goal, and then create a strategy. Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, “A goal without a plan is just a wish.”
e) Identity your care team. It will consist of a care manager, medical professionals, caregivers, a patient advocate, other professionals and family members. Unless necessary to the team, friends are often best left to be the support team, the ones who cheer you on throughout your journey. Each team member should have clearly defined responsibilities.
f) Know that you are not alone. Beyond your own personal support team, there are many organizations that offer support and creative solutions to caregiving.
6. Do your best each day.
Somedays your best may not feel very good. As long as you do your best every day, you will have no regrets at the end. You can rest assured that you delivered the best care possible each day.
In the end, much of the initial crisis boils down to fear. You can make fear stand for: Face Everything And Rise.
